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As the Primates' Meet
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I am an Anglican Christian from the evangelical tradition and I am a lesbian. Giving testimony to the work of God in one's life, or telling one's story, is a regular feature of the evangelical tradition. Sadly my story is not always received with the same uncritical welcome given to other stories - my experience as a lesbian Christian is sometimes dismissed as subjective, although of course all stories are subjective. I came to faith in a Baptist Church at an early age. Also at an early age I became aware of attraction to other girls. In my teens I read Christian books which suggested that `particular friendships' with other boys were to be discouraged and could be avoided by long country walks and cold showers. (The authors tended to reflect public school muscular Christianity, and always referred to the subjects as `he' and never `she') I thought perhaps the feelings I had toward other girls were not a good thing and started to pray for God to change me. I was used to experiencing God answering my prayers in a positive way, but after several months of earnest prayer, my feelings still remained the same. One day I had a sense of God speaking to me in a direct way - Do you know better than I do? Why would I change you when I made you just the way I wanted you to be. Stop this futile praying. Wow - suddenly my sexuality was a cause for celebration not for dismay. By this revelation I was spared much of the conflict experienced by others in reconciling their faith and sexuality. The authority of the Bible as the Word of God is important in my tradition, and I had to make sense of how those infamous texts which are used to condemn me fitted in with this revelation that my sexuality was a gift of God. I believe that the Holy Spirit guides us into truth and I began to see that there were other ways to interpret them - what God had called clean could not be called unclean. I have been told I am selective in my view of the Bible. I am told to read the plain and simple truth from the Bible and not interpret it; so presumably when I as a woman read in Leviticus 18.22 that I should not lie with a man as with a woman, then I am being urged by the plain and simple reading of Scripture to be a lesbian. I must stress that not all evangelicals take this simplistic legalistic approach, but it can be a major issue for lesbian and gay evangelicals. I have found tremendous support through the Evangelical Fellowship for Lesbian and Gay Christians (yes there really is one) and for some of our members this is their only experience of church after rejection by main stream churches. I have met folk who have been subjected to at best misguided, at worst abusive, attempts to heal them of their homosexuality. Some evangelical churches continue to believe the fiction that reorientation to heterosexual attraction is both desirable and possible, so for them there is no need to offer any other kind of pastoral response that is respectful and nurturing. Back to the story. I eventually found my way into the Church of England, choosing to ignore the warnings from my Baptist background that Anglicans were not real Christians. For twenty years I was active in the life of my evangelical parish, preparing candidates for confirmation, singing in the choir, reading lessons and intercessions. I lived openly as a lesbian and generally felt loved and respected within the parish until a retired army officer joined the congregation. He was unsuccessful in his attempt to have me barred from public ministry and from communion, but the church council did decide that I could no longer lead any groups within the parish. This unpleasant incident in no way prepared me for what was to come when another ex army officer from the fundamentalist end of the evangelical spectrum was appointed as vicar. Now I have no problem with fundamentalist Christians as long as they are non practising. He initially invited me to take part in a process of parish discussions about same sex relationships, which I welcomed. However this process proved to be a charade. The sense of abuse and betrayal I felt eventually led to my having to leave the parish. I don't need to breathe in noxious fumes week after week. This was the most painful loss I had ever experienced. Had it not been for the support of my Bishop I may well have given up on church altogether. My partner also had to leave her evangelical United Reformed Church because of our relationship. I have been fortunate to find another welcoming parish nearby but not all folk in our position are able to find that safe place. My plea to the Archbishops as they meet is that they do not erect impenetrable barriers which exclude lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people and prevent them hearing and responding to the Gospel of the love of God in Jesus Christ.
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